Deleted Scenes: Worthy

Luna didn't want to admit it, but she was absolutely miserable. She knew that it was stupid, she shouldn't be mad that Attila kissed Ester, she shouldn't be this... This upset! Jealously flared in her chest, swirling around like a whirlwind that kept cycling, even when she took deep breaths. She was mad, and hurt. She thought she and Attila had a lot in common, never in a million years did she think he would be swayed by... By... By a little rat bitch from District Eight!! 
Luna wasn't dumb, though. The Capitolites were looking for drama, and they would get it however they could. They were going to be looking for her, watching, waiting for her to crack. Goddammit, she had to keep it together. There was no way in hell she was going to be weak. She would be the girl that didn't succumb to love in the Games. She had to be. 
But she couldn't help feeling absolutely miserable. Why had he chosen her!?  She didn't understand him at all! She didn't care about him, she was just manipulating him. He was just too stupid to see. 
Luna hated that she loved him. He was dumb as a doornail and never took anyone else's feelings into considerations but his own. He was selfish and rash, he was playing the Games how they were supposed to be played and Luna somehow couldn't help... Couldn't help loving him! And for letting him control her this way, for his total control over her emotions, Luna would never forgive herself. She would never forgive herself for letting this happen. She deserved better, hell, she deserved someone that actually cared about her for starters, and here she was, biting her tongue and keeping the tears out of her eyes. She absolutely couldn't crack. Not here. Not now. 
Maybe it hurt more, living in denial. Luna hated herself for that. Maybe if she'd just caught it early on she could have put an end to it before it came to this. Before she was standing there, surrounded by people talking and chattering and cheering that Ester and Attila were making out. 
Weak, Luna thought, clenching her teeth. She couldn't crack. Wouldn't her family just love to see that?! Wouldn't they just... Just love to see Luna cry over a boy like the silly, weak little girl they thought she was!? Well they weren't going to! Goddammit, it was hard, but Luna couldn't afford for them to see her like this. Not after everything she'd endured to get to where she was now. 
But at the same time, he had her heart. He had her fucking heart and he kissed someone else! He was so stupid, he probably had no idea he even had her heart. Goddammit. How did this happen? What was happening to her? Luna never had romantic feelings in her life, or, well, not any that were this deep, not any that she was going to cry over, and here, now of all times, now she falls in love with a fucking oaf who couldn't care less how she felt! Luna felt a lump in her throat, but stayed strong. She had learned well how to do that. 
It shouldn't have been a surprise. She was used to being mistreated. Mistreated by her family, mistreated for the Games, mistreated by pretty much everyone that ever saw her. Why did she even think, in any particle of her being, that this would be any different? It's always the same. She was tired of being chewed up and spit out. Wasn't that why she was here!? But no. Even in her glory, even in this week that was supposed to be all about here, she's been humiliated, and hurt. It never ends. 
Luna kept smiling as sponsors asked her about it, but there came a point that she just couldn't take it anymore and had to get away. 
She wandered to the more remote parts of town, parts where there couldn't be cameras, or so she hoped, parts that were lit by streetlights and where the music was just a blur of notes and people cheering in the distance. 
She sat on a park bench and balled her fists. She would not cry. Strong people never cried. Big girls don't cry. Luna refused to be the big baby that started crying, not here, not now. Somehow, as hard as she tried, she couldn't control the mist in her eyes. 
"Luna?" 
Luna jumped at the voice, immediately defensive. She was always this way, and that would never change. She relaxed slightly when she noticed it was just Michael. 
"What do you want?" she asked, crossing her arms. She wished he'd go away. The thought of her crying like a fucking baby was bad enough, let alone in front of a Victor from her District, one of the people that elected to send her here, one of the people that would wish he'd voted for someone stronger, someone who wasn't a fucking pathetic little girl! 
"To get away. I assume that's why you're here too." 
"Yeah." She took a deep breath to keep her voice steady and lied, lied like always, lied like she was forced to do, always lying, always lying to everyone, always lying to herself. "It's crazy out there." 
"I thought you loved the Capitol." 
Luna glared at him. None of this was any of his business. She didn't respond, though. She just didn't have the energy to. 
"You can be honest with me, you know," Michael said. Luna ignored him. "I'm your mentor, after all. I just want you to succeed. I know I'm not too great at it, but I can't help you at all if I don't know you." 
"You know me," she said coldly. "You're young enough to know that girl that spent her life living in the Academy, Trainers the only thing that meekly resembled parents. You're young enough to know who I am." 
"Maybe that's true. But I only know that Luna. There's more to you than just that." 
Luna's eyes grew mistier and she didn't respond for fear that her voice would wobble. 
"How about the Luna that loves cats?" Michael asked. "I don't know her very well. What's your cat's name again?" 
"Selina," Luna said quietly, arms still crossed. 
"See? There's more to you than just Luna the trainee." 
"Shut up," she said. She didn't like this whole sappy thing. It was just a cycle, after all. She would always end up being humiliated. 
"You know that you're better than him, don't you?" Michael asked. 
Luna didn't respond. She was a lot of things, but she wasn't arrogant. Not really. She may have been able to fake it, but in reality she knew that she was on the bottom of the totem pole, desperately trying to claw her way up. 
"You're Luna fucking Pentti."  
"Shut up!" Luna shouted at him. He was trying to make her feel better, but it wasn't working. "Stop with the bullshit!" 
"It-" 
"I've always been Luna Pentti, the girl that wasn't good enough, and I will always be that girl! Stop trying to make me feel better with your empty-ass words! I know I'm not good enough, not for him, not for the Capitol, not for anything, so just stop!!"  
Michael was silent at that. Luna sniffled and wiped her eyes angrily. She was just fine before he showed up, and he had to go and make her cry. Goddammit!! 
"I know I'm not good enough, too," Michael said quietly.
"What?!" 
"I know how it feels to be not good enough." 
"You're a Victor."  
"Look at me, Luna." Luna glanced at her mentor quietly through watery eyes. "I'm a Victor, but look at me. I... I can't even put my own socks on in the morning! I can't reach the top shelf, I can't get food and I take an hour just to get up and get dressed in the morning. I'm Michael, the Cripple. I'm the guy that isn't good enough. I'm the guy that can't even go to the beach. Can't have sex, can't swim in the ocean, I can't do anything." 
"But... You're Michael Spinnaker, the Victor of the-" 
"Does it matter?! I can't train, I can't walk, I can't use weapons and I can't fight anymore. I have no value to anyone anymore, all I need is other people's help, does that sound like someone that's good and strong and a role model to you?!" 
Luna was stunned into silence. 
"Sorry," Michael said quietly. "I just... It's so easy to feel like... Like..."
Luna stared at him. She understood how he felt, true, but... He was Michael fucking Spinnaker!  District 4's most recent Victor!" 
"You're District Four's pride and joy," Luna said quietly. 
"For now," Michael said. "And I don't think that's true now anyways. I haven't done anything since winning. Not like Thor. He's a pride icon, super successful and everyone loves him. Not me. I'm just... Broken. Not good enough." 
Luna frowned. "You made that pamphlet, didn't you?" 
"Yeah, I guess. But still." 
"So... There's the Michael that makes pamphlets." 
"Woo fucking hoo, a goddamn pamphlet." 
"Michael the activist. I don't know him very well." 
Michael made a face. "Using my own encouragement against me I see." 
Luna laughed a bit, glad that her eyes were dry now. "Yeah. You're Michael fucking Spinnaker, after all." 
"Yeah right," Michael breathed, staring at the ground. I can't even hold onto a friend. Port just kissed and just... Left." He clenched his fists around the wheels of his wheelchair. 
"You're better than him," Luna said seriously. 
Michael glanced over at her and she wasn't sure what to do so she just gave him a small smile. 
"Why can't you believe that about yourself then?" he asked quietly. 
"I..." Luna shrugged. "I've been told so many times. That I'm not enough. No matter how hard you try to pull yourself up, you never really escape it." 
"You are enough. And there are so many people out there that think the very same thing." 
"I'm not Nerio. I'm not in an adorable relationship," she spat out bitterly.
"That might be true," Michael said. "The Capitol loves Cherio and can't get enough of Wicacia. Even Ester and Attila." Luna's teeth gritted angrily but she didn't say anything. Michael continued, "But the smart ones, they're not betting on any of those six. The smart ones are betting on you." 
"...Is that true?" 
"They know that the others are going to self-destruct without the other. They know that Nerio pulled too many strings to keep up with, that someone's going to sacrifice themself for someone else. They can see a Victor. And that's you. You're not going to let anything, or anyone, stop you on the way." 
"Oh." 
Michael smiled slightly. "You're Luna fucking Pentti, and this is your night for the taking. What do you say?" 
Luna thought about it for a second. "Here's what I say." She took her flower off and handed it to him. "Take this. As a sign of friendship." 
Michael grinned up at her. "Thanks," he said. "Together, we'll get you out of there." 
"Of course," Luna said, smiling and straightening her posture as she walked back to the city. "I'm Luna fucking Pentti."