Every time someone new starts dating one of the members of the #UVBandFam Wolf will give them the ever-famous 'If You Hurt My Dude You Die' Speech. Here's a transcript from Wolf himself, to be used by anyone who need to make sure their friends' S/Os understand exactly what will happen if they're a jerk to said friend.
(Sidenote, if Ani ever says this to Semper, he would probably cry tbh)
Hey there [S/O's Name Here]!
So, I heard that you started dating my dude, [Dude's Name Here]. That's wonderful! You definitely make [him, her, them] very happy! I can see it on [his, her, their] face every time [he, she, they] talks about you or even thinks about you. Yup, that's right, [Dude's Name Here] is TOTALLY lovesick. I'm serious, Dude, [he, she, they] have it bad for you. And that's totally awesome! I'm super excited for [him, her, them] and you, of course! Legit, I'm super excited, I love seeing [him, her, them] so happy and totally lovesick- it's really fun to tease [him, her, them], you know. [Lighthearted laugh inserted here, pat their shoulders when they laugh too, dispel all nerves.] Oh yeah, we've made so many bets about you and [him, her, them] already. So, how's it been going with you and [Dude's Name Here]? [They'll respond some kind of lovesick, "It's going wonderfully!" here] Oh yes, good to hear! That's wonderful. You know what's NOT wonderful though? ["What?"] People that hurt my dudes.
[Puff up chest, stand up taller, give harsh glare to show that I am not playing games here, crack knuckles to become intimidating and make them squirm. Talk very quietly, very uncharacteristically seriously] Listen to me very carefully, [S/O's Name Here]. If you play games with [his, her, their] heart, I will hunt you down. If you break [his, her, their] heart, I will not let you live. You think I'm joking but I am indeed very serious about this, so I suggest that you don't test me if you like to have all your limbs attached to your body. If you do not treat [him, her, them] like the [king, queen, royalty] [he, she, they] [is/are], I will personally destroy you. [Here you can pick a threat, what can I say, I like to change it up based on the situation.] If you make my dude cry, I will personally [come to your house and cut your tiny dick off with a steak knife.] [punch all of your teeth out of your goddamn mouth.] [rip your hair out piece by fucking piece.] [fuck up all your shit. You will never see it coming.] If you hurt my dude, you die. I promise if you take advantage of [Dude's Name Here] I will make sure you never forget it. You will not manipulate or abuse my dude, nor will you pressure [him, her, them] into ANYTHING. Please know that I will never forgive you if you hurt my dude and you will wish you hadn't by the time I'd be done with your sorry ass. [Menacing grin] Are we clear on this? [Quick affirmative response from S/O] [Sunny smile, immediately kind again] Wonderful! This is so exciting! Alright, I won't hold you too much longer, I'm sure you just want to see [Dude's Name Here]! C'mon! [Walk back out to the others. Pat yourself on the back knowing that your job here is done.]
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