Deleted Scene: Expecting

(During Phase Two)
Joule found himself on the Ferris Wheel. 
He hadn't had too much fun at the party so far, he was just too nervous. He could lose Rilah. The reality was very, very real now. The guilt pressed down on his chest like stones, and each and every time her face came up in his mind another stone was added. It was horrible. He hated it. He hated himself. And now, the Games were tomorrow. Yeah, maybe when there was music playing, maybe when Em was smiling and facilitating dancing competitions and couples were getting together it was easy to forget what was going to happen the very next day. Maybe when the Pride flags were waving, when people were dancing, when they rode in limos and let their hair down, it was easy to forget what was going to happen. Joule wasn't so easily fooled, though. He knew exactly what was going to happen the next day. People were going to die. And he could be one of them. 
Everyone has that one thing they wish they had never done. And Joule's was in the most critical moment, when his life was on the line. He had a huge target on his back, no allies, and now he was alone, depressed. Maybe dying wouldn't be so bad. Maybe it would be easier than living. But if there was even an ounce of hope that he could somehow mend things with the love of his life, Joule would keep going. He had to. He had no other choice. 
Joule wasn't really in the mood to be dragged on the Ferris wheel by his mentor. Somehow, he ended up there. He was in the enclosed pod, looking out the glass wall at the city. They got higher and higher. Joule's eyes scaled the city. The lights, the lights that were glimmering that were powered by his hard work back home, the hard work of his love and... Yes, and Rajai too. The people down below looked so small. In a way that was kind of comforting, honestly. His problems were so small from up there. Chance was the size of an ant that Joule could have stepped on if he wanted to. Somehow it helped. He looked out, into the distance as far as he could see, knowing that somewhere out there, Rilah was at home, and... Who knew what she was doing? The thought that she was crying broke Joule's heart. He jumped when he felt a gentle hand on his shoulder. It was Tim. 
"Amazing view, isn't it?" the man asked. Joule swallowed hard and just nodded. For a second he forgot that his mentor was even there. 
"Everything looks so small," Joule said quietly. 
"Yeah, it does. So, how're you feeling?" 
"Sick." That was the only word he could come up with to even start to describe all the feelings that were swirling around in his stomach, the rocks pressing down on his chest. 
"You still have a chance," Tim said. Joule winced when he said that last word, associating it with the tribute that was certainly going to target him the very next morning. "Sorry." 
"It's fine," Joule breathed quietly. He had no idea that emotions could actually make him physically sick. He always said he wanted to feel everything, but was it really worth it? 
"You can still make it out," Tim said. "You're the Underdog." 
"That's just the nice way of saying I'm a Bloodbath." Joule's voice wobbled on the last word, as he hadn't really expected to say it out loud. Hearing it out loud was just as horrible as he imagined it would be. 
"No, that's not true. You're smart, Joule, and you have a lot of intuition. You can make your way out of this mess." 
"I wish I believed it like you did," Joule muttered. His mentor frowned, but Joule was just being completely honest. He really did wish he could believe it. He knew that he would never make it if he kept thinking so negatively, but he couldn't help it. Everything was crashing down and there was nothing he could do about it. He was paying for his mistake, the mistake that was broadcast in front of the entire nation. He would always be that person that fucked everything up. 
"It's okay," Tim said quietly. "Sometimes the fear of dying is the only motivating factor for tributes in the Games. And tributes like that have won before. Not every Victor had a tremendous number of people to get back to."  
"I bet none of them have had zero," Joule said. 
"You don't know that." 
"I'm pretty damn sure." 
"What about your family?" 
Joule bit his lip. "I guess. M... My parents didn't know, though. That I... Wasn't straight." He stared out the window through glassy eyes. 
"You said you had a brother? What about him?" 
"He didn't know either." 
"They're probably more accepting than you think." 
"I appreciate where you're coming from, Tim, but I'm not really in the mood to be optimistic right now." 
Tim paused, then just sighed. "I understand." They stood there in silence, Joule watching the colorful, bright, flashing lights and thinking about the tremendous dams and windmills back home. He would probably never see them again. 
"What about me?" Tim asked. 
"What about you?" 
"Would you consider coming back for me?" 
"You're my mentor. You have to invest time into me." 
"That's true. My obligation is to invest all of my time and energy into my tributes. But it's not all that often that I become attached to my tributes." 
Joule crossed his arms. "All we did was make blankets." 
"I was inspired by you." 
"How?" Joule glanced over, still not fully believing that his mentor wasn't just pulling things out of his ass to make Joule feel better. 
Tim gestured him to sit on the benches in the pod, which Joule did, and Tim sat down across from him. He had that twinkle in his eye that meant they were probably about to have a deep talk. Joule didn't want to. He didn't want to cry again, he was fucking tired of it, not to mention exhausted, physically and emotionally. 
Tim reached into his pocket and pulled out some folded up pieces of paper. Paper-clipped to the first sheet was a picture of a little boy with dark, messy hair, a gap between his two front teeth and a big grin. Below the picture, it said, Hi, my name is Joel! I'm 11 years old and I need a loving home!
"Wh... What is this?" Joule asked, flipping through. Just a bunch of information about Tim and Trina. Wait a second... "Wait, I think I know." 
Tim grinned. "That's right. Trina and I are adopting." 
"Really!? Oh my God, Tim! That's amazing!" Joule, still holding the papers, hugged his mentor tightly. He actually felt... Happy. Yeah, he was excited. Tim was going to be a father! Joule knew he was going to be amazing. It was the first time he'd smiled since the disaster happened. "I'm so... I'm so happy for you!" 
"Thanks!" Tim said. His hugs were tight and warm and comforting. "The whole name thing was totally unintentional, if you were wondering," he added, and Joule actually laughed a little bit. For just a second some of that weight and sadness was taken off. Here he was, the amazing view of the city in the background, celebrating a piece of amazing news with someone who deserved the world. In that moment, Joule was able to forget where they were. 
"You're going to be a great Dad," Joule said. 
"You inspired me," Tim said. "The next morning I called Trina to talk to her about it." He laughed a bit. "She already had this one in mind, you see." 
Joule smiled. The sadness started to sink back in, at realizing that he and Rilah will probably never celebrate news like this. He was still happy for them, of course, but at the same time, there was just this little twist in his stomach. This small twinge of sadness. 
"No matter what, I'll stand by you," Tim said earnestly, putting a hand on Joule's shoulder. "You can grow and heal and mend whatever needs mended. I know you can, Joule. You're a very observant, intelligent young man with more potential for greatness than you think. So, how about doing it for the three of us, yeah? I'm sure that Joel will want to meet you and thank you for bringing us together." 
Joule actually smiled a bit at that. Maybe, just maybe, there was hope somewhere within the grief and misery. Maybe there was still a chance to do some good in the world. 
"Yeah," he said, smiling slightly as the pod started to lower. "Yeah, I'll do my best for you guys."